Just a Dream! A Pointless Gintama Fic
by Cosmic Lucky
Summary: This is my first *completed* fanfiction. Ever. Well, you read the title, this is all pointless fan-tripping and also possibly very hard to understand. So why did I write it, you ask? Because I was bored. Characters: Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, that one Mary Sue OC. Rating: K (mild language, some nasty kicking).


Kaori's heavy eyelids slid open slowly, her ivory face and dark hair bathed in warm morning sunlight. She blinked twice. Then blinked again. Huh? Why were the walls made of wood? And didn't she fall asleep in her bed, and not on a sofa? She jerked up suddenly, throwing the thin and rather ineffective grey blanket off of herself and onto the floor.

Her timing was horrible, however, because her forehead was greeted by a collision with another forehead covered with thick, coppery bangs. At least, it looked like a forehead; it was really made out of a fictitious mixture of iron and cement. Kaori fell back down on the couch and passed out immediately.

A few days (or maybe just a few hours) later, Kaori came to and rubbed her eyes, sure she would be back in her bedroom, just like normal, the weird sofa and the wooden shack all having been just another one of her kooky dreams. However, she soon discovered, this was not the case. The red-haired girl from earlier called out in an obnoxiously loud voice, "Gin-chan! She woke up!"

"Well? What do you want me to do?" a deep, lazy-sounding voice bellowed from across the room. There was a pause, and then: "Oi, Shinpachi! The specimen appears to be awake! Come take care of it!" Now Kaori heard another male voice, this one lighter-sounding and perhaps belonging to someone a bit younger. "Why are you calling me?! You're the oldest! You take care of it! And why are we calling her a specimen all of a sudden? She's obviously a girl, a human, just like us!" There was another bit of silence, and then she heard a long sigh and footsteps quickly thumping towards the sofa.

She finally looked up to see a rather plain boy, about her age, with black hair and glasses, the only unique attribute to speak of being that he was wearing a kimono instead of normal clothes, but even then, his blue and grey kimono was ordinary, to say the least. Irritation showed clear as day on Kaori's face right before she finally felt awake enough to voice her general contempt for the situation.

"Just who the hell are all of you?! And where am I? This better not be like one of those time travel fantasy books, where a heartbreakingly beautiful-but-insecure heroine is thrown into the depths of time, against her will, forced to make friends who will then help her to achieve the impossible to go back home!"

She paused her ramblings to take a breath and figured she might as well look around. Besides the guy with the glasses, there was a total of two others present. One was a young girl who looked about 10 or 11 and was wearing a red Chinese-style outfit. It was the girl who had knocked Kaori out with her cement-iron forehead earlier, but the girl seemed completely unscathed herself. Content, even.

Kaori shuddered and then looked over at their kitchen table, where a grown man who was at least 20 sat reading a magazine that she recognised as Weekly Shonen JUMP, his odd silver hair shining in the midday sunlight.

Kaori felt her heart begin to pound thickly in her flat chest. _What is this... feeling?_ she asked herself. Could it be... love?

The guy seemed to feel her intense and rather blatant stare on him, and looked up at her blankly. He then looked back down at his JUMP and began picking his nose with his little finger. _No_, she thought with some amount of disdain. _Definitely not love_. Then what was it? Before she knew it, Kaori felt her bare feet slapping against the wood floor, and her finger pointing in an accusatory fashion at the guy with the magazine.

"Just who are you?!" she demanded. "I know I've seen you somewhere before, so spill it!" He yawned and folded down his page, then looked up at her, leaning on one of his hands. Just one look into his eyes made Kaori herself want to go back and curl up under the covers and go to sleep. He spoke again in that lazy voice of his.

"Nice to meet'cha~ I'm Sakata Gintoki~"

Kaori gasped loudly and deeply, now waggling her finger at him urgently. "Y-Y-Y-Y-You're that guy! The weird main character from that anime my creator is in love with! She's in love with you, I mean, not particularly the anime. How did I end up here?! This can't possibly be canon!"

Gintoki yawned again. Kaori found herself wishing he would just take a nap already and stop emanating his Lazy Waves all over the room. "Hell if I know. It's probably a dream. That's the only explanation for such a Mary Sue character being allowed in the storyline." Kaori gasped again, this time making a squeaky noise in the back of her throat. "A MARY SUE?! How dare you, sir! I have plenty of interesting characteristics, as well as flaws!"

Gintoki was reading his magazine again, barely paying her any mind. "Meh," he uttered. "Maybe your creator is just that weird. She's probably a pervert, too, who has a fetish for flat-chested petite girls."

Kaori backed away from the table slowly, unable to handle the aura any longer. She nearly bumped into the guy with the glasses, but he scooted out of the way just in time. "Hey, Glasses," she addressed him quietly. "It's Shinpachi," he responded immediately, almost sullenly.

"Yeah," she replied flippantly. "Anyways, this is a dream, right? Does this mean I can do whatever I want and not face any consequences, and I'll wake up eventually, completely unharmed?"The guy with the glasses just put a hand over his face. "I suppose. Just please, for the love of all that is sacred, please don't cause any kind of trouble."

Kaori just winked at him and smiled, walking over and sitting down in front of the TV next to the little girl with the Oriental character design. She tried her best to come across as unguarded and friendly, the way she was told kids responded well to. She smiled widely. Her face was stiff, and she felt like it would crack. The girl looked up at her and stared disdainfully. Kaori held her ground, and the two got into something of a staring contest, albeit a very creepy one.

After a few long minutes, Kaori's face returned to its normal expression, which was shockingly similar to the one the little girl was giving her. "Look kid, what's your name?" The girl drooped her eyelids a bit more and and cocked her head to the side. "Your name is what, kid?"

Kaori smacked herself on the forehead. Hard. It began to throb, her skull still not completely recovered from earlier. "Look, you can't just take whatever I said, jumble the words up, and think that's okay! Now tell me your name, young lady!"

"A young lady tells me your name now."

Kaori felt herself trembling, and began raising a fist, ready to deck the little runt. "That didn't even make any sense!" She grabbed the girl by the shoulders and began shaking her to and fro. "Just tell me your name! I was just asking a simple question!"

In an instant, Kaori was doubled over on the floor, an inhumanly hard kick vibrating through her side. Tears streamed down her face. "I just... wanted... to be friends..."

Suddenly, Kaori jerked upright in her canopy bed, safe and sound at home, breathing heavily and gripping her side instinctively. It was still dark. The clock on her bedside table read _3:43 AM_. Kaori's eyebrows knit themselves together, and she didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that she was back in the real world so soon. She groaned to herself. "What the hell kind of stopping point was that?! I'm sure the readers are feeling disappointed as they see this!"

_Meh, I got tired of writing. Besides, we all know that plot wasn't going anywhere. Just be grateful I didn't kill you off and shut up. Besides... kekekeke. Look to your right._

Kaori did as her creator instructed her and looked on her bed to the right. Laying on the bed under the covers, looking fairly frightened and giving her a WTF look, like he, too, had no idea what the hell he was doing there, was a shirtless Sakata Gintoki.

"Well hot damn."


End file.
